Carb Conundrum - Low Carbohydrates

Low Carbohydrates - Its All The Rage

Everywhere you turn, people are diving head first into diets with low carbohydrates. There is a carb fear sweeping over America, a great deluge of rice rage and potato-induced loathing turning our nation into a world of finiking. Pick pick pick, watch watch watch - beware the carbohydrate at all costs lest ye be looking for a spare tire round yon gut, craters in the thighs of young and old, all looking like long battered celestial moons.

Low carbohydrates because you're a sloth

Majestic feline carnivores have diets of low carbohydrates - they eat all protein. They also sleep about 20 hours a day and when it comes right down to it they are all plain lazy. But they're sleek, they have sharp teeth, and they are the most powerful and feared creatures on the open plain. So too with Americans - we are lazy, we don't want to work for our slim figures and we don't have to, not when every diet contains low carbohydrates, when carbohydrates are feared almost as much as exercise. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but with all those carbs it also means an hour on the treadmill - and who wants that? Not us, not you - hello doctor.

Why low carbohydrates might be a mistake

Where do carbohydrates come from?

Fruits provide tons of the simple carbs fructose and glucose, while vegetables provide the eternally complex starch.
Cereals, pasta, breads, grains - they are all complex as well.
Soda is fun to drink and provides hugh fructose corn syrup - or baby 'roids as we like to call them here.

Basically - with the exception of the pre-pubescent roid rage - we're talking about the bottom of the food pyramid. A diet of low carbohydrates takes that big base away. And what are we left with? Proteins and fats - meat egg cheese dairy heart attack yum! A diet of low carbohydrates goes against scientific studies saying carbohydrates are good. Science also says that exercise is good, that we will run out of oil and that creationism is for losers - who needs science when our buns look so taut and our Humvees are still chugging off the intelligently designed fossil fuels?